I'd like to start off this weeks post with my favorite poem - an Ode to Solitude by Alexander Pope. I write because words resonate with me - and this poem captured my life's intent the first time I discovered it. I don't often revisit it, but when I do, it inspires a refreshed sense of self...

Happy the man, whose wish and care
   A few paternal acres bound,
Content to breathe his native air,
                            In his own ground.

Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,
   Whose flocks supply him with attire,
Whose trees in summer yield him shade,
                            In winter fire.

Blest, who can unconcernedly find
   Hours, days, and years slide soft away,
In health of body, peace of mind,
                            Quiet by day,

Sound sleep by night; study and ease,
   Together mixed; sweet recreation;
And innocence, which most does please,
                            With meditation.

Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
   Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
                            Tell where I lie.

                  - Alexander Pope, 1688-1744

So why now – why these words now? My mind rests on two thoughts: Transition and Servitude.


Transition is life’s chapter breaks by which you will recount your breadth of life. Too few transitions and you’ll wonder where all the time went – too many and you’ll wonder what could’ve been.

Transitions have always been one of my life’s great challenges. The transition from asleep to awake, from work to play, from sitting to being active. I especially find it difficult to transition when the difficulty of the transition is high.

When I ponder on transition, I realize how we all struggle with our own transitions – from the person we are to the person we want to be. Many struggle to realize that person, either because it’s a moving target or the path to realization is challenging. Transitions are the currency by which we can measure the distance we travel in life. I say that because I have not needed to stay at a party for long to learn what I will. Occasionally, it makes sense to sit with something or someone for a while – but usually a swift transition will get you on your way a lot faster.

It’s a clever balance – experiences vs depth of experience. I don’t believe there is a formula for success, you just need to feel out the moment. That being said, great things have come from lingering a bit too long, in some cases, and leaving early, in others. Feel the moment but never be afraid to change your circumstances.


You are your own agent of change, and if you aren’t changing the world, someone else is for and through you. Up until the 1850s the majority of the human race was in servitude to kings and kingdoms – and breaking news – that hasn’t changed. The illusion of freedom has been on of the modern centuries greatest creations, and in many cases, freedom does exist.

200 years ago, you were born into a class, and likely would die in it. Your lifestyle and actions were predetermined by your birth, if you survived childhood. Today, that future is no so certain, but one thing is certain – if you aren’t serving yourself, you’re serving someone else.

Now, I’m not advocating for a life lacking compassion, service, or empathy. No – that lesson here is that in all we do there is ownership on one side of the transaction. You make Netflix rich as you sit mindlessly watching episode after episode. In this case, you are in servitude to the streaming giant. Perhaps you are no sacrificing your life, but life has become too nuanced for any one person or thing to take complete control over your totality – at least in the western world.

What you must understand is that servitude and leadership are important pillars to a successful community. Servitude doesn’t imply slavery – it implies power dynamics. One person is giving up someone for another in exchange for something. Not all power relationships are made equal – except the power relationships you keep with yourself. Those are the most equitable you will maintain in life and perhaps the ones that will grow you most consistently. That is because, typically, a master demands more than they are willing to give. Seldom will a master give more than they take.

Servitude to self is perhaps the best form of servitude you can engage in. You take ownership of your actions while taking action. Servitude of self will carry you far.

Again, if you aren’t serving yourself – you’re serving someone else. In at least, identify whom those parties may be and understand their motives. Perhaps, then, you’ll identify the true cost of your time and livelihood.


It has been a week of transition, compulsory and otherwise, for me. I bought a house and started working on it. I destroyed it, putting my in servitude to it as I need to fix it if I want to sell it. The transition was abrupt but I can feel my mind and body striving to learn new things as I navigate the complexities of a 70 year old house for the first time.

What transitions are you experiencing or seeking?

What actors are you in servitude to?

It’s been a while.

And here we are – back, again… is this thing on? *tap* *tap* *tap*

I bet you’re wondering where I’ve been?

The short answer is getting my life in order and boy-o, this year has been one for the books. I think a list is the best way to begin:

March 2020 – Pandemic starts, secure internship at HEB, move back to Reno.
May 2020 – Finish second semester of MBA program.

June 2020 – Finals, moved out of LA house (discovered someone was living in my room), move to Utah, commence internship

July 2020 – First Annual 4th of July Party (The start of something special), travel back to Reno to move parents out of Reno house, falling out with Mother.

August 2020 – Conclude Internship, HEB Job Offer, Pack up to move to Texas

September 2020 – Move into temp housing in San Antonio, start third semester of school – now working full-time while in school.

October 2020 – Start house hunting, starting flying on private jets for work.
November 2020 – Continue house hunt, start day trading, first W at HEB.
December 2020 – Give up on house hunt, rent a house on a whim, rebuild friendship w/ mother.

January 1, 2021 – Move into new home – fifth move in less than a year (never again…)
January 2021 – Intro first client to HEB, first $25,000 day on the stock market, school continues…
February 2021 – First +$100,000 day on stock market.
March 2021 – First -$100,000 day on stock market, SNOW IN TEXAS.

April 2021 – Spring arrives, close first client deal, work life changes.
May 2021 – Win a pitch contest, HEB starts to lose it’s shimmer, decide I want to buy the house I’m renting.
June 2021 – Make an offer on the house – it’s accepted. Las Vegas, Yosemite, Reno, Utah, Idaho, Montana road trip – first adventure in 20+ months, bought some art.

July 2021 – Second annual 4th of July (aka, the Vomitting), got into crypto.

August 2021 – Party in Utah, work slog continues, begin house improvement adventure – and that brings us to today.

The last year has been a wild ride. I’ve been writing but mostly long hand as I find that I enjoy the patience required to develop thought on paper – the words seem to be more fluid with my intent.

I entered HEB, Texas, and this year with the intention of laying down the foundation on which I would develop the success of my life – financially, intellectually, socially, physically, and emotionally. There have been a lot of firsts: living alone for the first time in my life – something I rather enjoy, even if the darkness keeps me up occasionally. A new city. A new job, three years after unemployment. Income again, and with with – responsibility. Financial freedom? Successfully investing – and the flip side: pride, greed, and losses. Love and frustration. Family and friends. Life, my friends, life.

Why am I returning to the blog?

I am breaching a threshold which I’ve been standing near for sometime – that of true adulthood: sole responsibility for my past, present, and future selves. Ignorantly, I’ve thought I was here for sometime, but impatience constantly found me defaulting back to old norms. I’d get overwhelmed which my lack of progress and seek refuge in old vices and idle thought.

More recently, I’m finding contentment in the struggle and patience required to develop the future I want. The gym is enjoyable – even if I struggle in silence. School is fun – as I start to wrap up my classes – and A’s are easy. Work, while currently a slog, gives me confidence in my ability to create value and secure stable income. And now – I’m looking at buying my first real asset – a home. Who knows what I’ll do with it, but I’ll say this. I love it. It’s special to me and I’m buying it out of a selfish need to make something beautiful. I can’t wait to tear it apart and build it back up again, better and more beautiful.

Life is looking good – and I know that. I’m working hard and trying to work smart. I’ve made a lot of bad decisions the last 20 months, and I feel like it’s all led up to being right where I am – with many decisions to make, and the ability to discern the good from the bad. Maybe 3 or 4 months ago, I would’ve seen a lot of failure, but know I see resilient knowledge; application being the delta.

And now, I’m back. I’ve decided to start building my brand and part of it starts here, with these words, these posts, these thoughts. I’d like to start to dissect things and share the gems I pick up along the way. There are many exciting things on the horizon: my foray intro crypto, a change of roles at HEB, my new home project, my fitness journey, my writing journey, a new city…?, and that’s all just to be discovered in the next 2 months.

So, here we go, again… welcome back, I’m excited to be here. The goal is one post a week – what would ya’ll like to read?

I’m Back.

It has taken me over a year to find a reason to write; I do not take comfort in that fact.

Life hit me hard in 2017 and everything I indulged in – travel, writing, drinking, backpacking, partying, everything – was an attempt to dull the pain and work through the emotional scars of my past. But, alas, they were only scars, forever my burden to carry as identifies, marks on my soul, creators of character, battle wounds, proofs of life…

I’m back now… and I feel alive. Morning do not come quick enough just as the evenings feel too short. I’ve shared my story dozens of times, taking ownership of my past, and now I feel ready to share it for the miraculous adventure that it is. I’ve attempted to write  the story countless times, but it’s always felt too close. However, everything seems different now. I am ready to move on to the next chapter – the next phase of my ever-growing ever-loving life is quickly approaching – grad school, L.A., my growing business,  city life – realized.

So, what can you expect in the coming weeks? A tale of betrayal, death, love, life, loss, and all the color that comes with the most human experiences we all deal with at some point or another. I’m excited to bring you on this journey with me. I’m excited to write my story – and see where it takes my writing. I’m excited to share it with the world.

Next Week: Chapter 1 – Death of a Father



New Zealand – Chapter 6


My last ten days in New Zealand encompassed 2,000 kms and too many connections to count. After returning to Takaka from Abel Tasman, I felt patient with the journey I was on – and excited to meet the many characters that would make my trip unforgettable. Unfortunate as it was that I wouldn’t have the luxury to stay in any one place for more than two nights, I resolved to make the best of my remaining time.


I spent the morning after my Abel Tasman adventure exploring Takaka, perusing local cafes and craft shops. Fatefully, a gallery run by two local artists caught my eye, which I dutifully pulled over to explore. A couple greeted me joyously as I explored their art garden paradise. They soon shared their life journeys and I learned that they had met travelling through New Zealand some twenty years ago – and stuck together when Lolli, the wife, fell pregnant. This wasn’t your typical knocked up story though, this couple was overflowing with joy. They built purpose together in the wake of chaos and found success in life sharing beauty with the world, building their dreams together. Their meeting appeared to be fate, just as ours felt the same. I was inspired as I left their gallery that I, too, would one day chaotically stumble into my muse. I departed Takaka confident that I would one day return – perhaps as an artist myself.


That afternoon, I returned to Moteuka soon to stumble into new friends at the local YHA Hostel – and quickly found myself trading wine, chocolate, and stories with travelers from Germany, England, and the US respectively. I was keen to share the adventure of my past week – which soon fell on wanting ears. That night, for the first time in my life, I felt like a proper storyteller – captivated by my own words. I relived the good and bad, relating my journey to a tipsy crowd as it grew in size and curiosity. That was the night that I fell in love with my story. I felt rich with experience and had too many philosophical anecdotes to share. I bid my drinking mates farewell that evening with a belly full of wine and wide smile, excited by my newfound verbal vigor.


An epic roadtrip and adventure unfolded over the next few days as I made my way from Monteuka to Wellington to Taupo to Rotorua to Whitianga, and finally – to Auckland. I made incredible new friends hostel hoping around the North Island, pulling over to explore quirky craft shops, day hikes, and every scenic view I could find. I shared dense intimate connections and long drunken nights dancing with strangers I’d never see again. I made friends with every soul that happened to find themselves in the same room as me – yet still found time to get lost in the wilderness at least once a day. It was the perfect conclusion to a grand roadtrip and wonderful adventure.


Finally, I rented a casita next to a butterfly garden on my last two nights in New Zealand. Fitting as butterflies are one of my favorite animals, and often a source of inspiration for my poems. If you asked me when I started my journey why butterflies exist, I would’ve said “to be blown around by the wind, victims to cause.” Now, after six weeks of “blowing around”, I’d say their true purpose is to give meaning to the wind and spread beauty. In the absence of meaning, life started to appear a lot more meaningful.



Six weeks in New Zealand occurred like the blink of an eye. I had no plans when I arrived into the country and would depart with more friends and memories than I could even fathom.





When I departed the US, I didn’t know what, when, where, or why – I just knew that I needed a change. However, after hitchhiking in the dark, intimate conversations into early morning, too many blisters to count, straining physical and social challenges, and an incredible adventure to behold I might answer that question a little differently.


The longer I travel, the more I realize that personal meaning in life is less important than the pursuit of the journey. Meaning will adapt as you change and grow. Life isn’t about finding the ultimate truth – it’s about finding a set of beliefs that manifest your best self in the current moment. Beliefs that help you jump out of bed, even when you’re tired. Some lucky souls walk their path in a straight line but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure if you’re playing pinball with your purpose. In fact, I’d argue that some of the most interesting people I’ve met redefine their beliefs, and existence, constantly. The goal should be action – not consistency. If you find yourself inactive, it’s time to recalibrate and change your thinking. And not just inaction in body – inaction in mind, spirit, and emotion too.


So, ask yourself – what gets me up in the morning? What am I looking forward to in life? Where do I want to be right now? What do I want from life? Why do I want it? How can I get it?


If the answers are work, weekends, not here, and freedom – you owe it to yourself to make a change, and it all starts with your thinking. The goal shouldn’t be to work – it should be to work hard; not to vacation – but to travel; not to love – but to love well; not to exist – but to live.


When you take the first steps towards any change, don’t be disheartened when you first meet resistance. Purpose and passion result from pursuit and practice. Pursue and practice and I can guarantee that you’ll achieve more than you ever planned for.


So, I say, in my infinite ignorance – be bold, be brave, love well – and get going. And for god’s sake, if you’re unhappy – Travel. Results may vary but you’re sure to discover a thing or two about what life means to you.


New Zealand opened my eyes to the sense of self I lost in 2017, and helped me regain it. Off to Japan I went…


Thank you Nora, Cornelia, Tom, Melo, Jannick, Celine, Kat, Sara, Fish, Tim, Wayne, Becky, Jitske, Mohan, and Chakara for making my trip an adventure. 


Do you dare me?
Dare me to jump;
to sing, to love, to be.
Dare me to bump
to the music all night
and lose myself to the sea.

Dare me to ask a stranger to dance
and lead her into the night.
Dare me to rise to greet the sun
and play all day in the light.

Dare me to distance myself from myself
to see what I seem to be.
And dare me to change into the man
that moves with wind and the sea.

Dare me to live my life
seeking growth in pain and strife,
wisdom when I seem to fall,
and love whenever it calls.

Dare me, why don’t you?
I know what you want,
the life that you seek –
you can trust me.

So what’re you waiting for;
dare me to be!
It’s time to dance,
dare me, me – I dare you.


I’m wanting of a tidily tune;
something bouncy, quick, and crude –
fun to say or maybe spew
by dancing tongues feeling mused.

In it, I will captivate;
maybe, even, alliterate;
maybe, even, rhyme a bit –
Who knows? I wrote it way too quick.

But I’ll say it fast, with zeal,
enough to, maybe, make you feel
a beat or rhythm, enough to step
to the rhymes I’ve laid ahead.

Funky fresh, precocious mess,
windy dancing, rainy days,
quiet oceans – my devotion
to test the sea in every way.
Creamy coffee, cold gelato,
mountains tops – my affogato.
Pink kobe, deep red wines,
flirting with the end of night.
Dancing with the dawn daily:
if this is life – don’t dare you save me.

For I’ve found enduring bliss:
a truly wonderful tidily mess.
And so I dance until the day
fate unravels all the way.


Burn me, tease me, strike me, free me.
Glow in heart and art and soul.
Free my mind of desire.
Dance with me, the flames you throw.

Doth’ predict, a testament
to consciousness and entropy.
In your arms, I convict
to dance, to play, to laugh, and flow.

Yet you burn me, yet you harm –
scoff at life as I turn with charm
a blind eye to your danger close;
painted color, I’m engrossed.

And so we play, night and day –
color my evenings; color my way.
I am but a dancing pyre
which is why I play with fire.


As the sunset plays with fire
and stirs the souls at bay –
we take to the ocean
in search of a storm
to challenge our mast and ways.

Rocking and reading, and growing in moonlight,
waiting for first sun to stake –
a claim on the day, in search of new prey –
dancing with new souls its soon to break.

But we are calm creatures of night;
from the eye of the storm we claim out right.
Endowed equanimity – blessed to keep –
where others rescue, when others retreat.

And take to the storm we must
to challenge our mast and ways –
for setting in west, and rising in east;
chasing the sun’s not a challenging way.

Rest east storm chaser for you will be blown,
but in the eye of the storm you are never alone.


Cling to water and drive down
these roots that grow the tree
so trunks may rise and leaves devise
their escape from mother-tree.

Run, leaves, to enrich the soil,
dance with the sun and wind,
paint the sky full of color
creations of my kin.

And sway, trees, in the storms
grounded to your roots;
feeble trees poised to fall,
the strong stand resolute.

For if the roots dig deep enough
into earth they’ll find
a network of connected roots,
a forest – all combined.

And in this metaphor we’re all trees,
growing roots and shedding leaves.
Digging deeper, seeking truth,
discovering unity amongst other roots.

Dig deep enough and you will see
community roots ground our trees,
bless our leaves, and sow our seeds –
and give us strength in storms.

Dig, my trees, push your roots
deep into ground
for one day soon you’ll revel in
the forest that you’ve found.